Aging (Dis)Gracefully

There's a man I know, whom I'll call "Herb" in order to protect the guilty. The first thing I noticed about Herb when I met him was his hair. In addition to being silver all over, he seemed to have an excessive amount and it was combed rather, um ... weird. At first I thought it was a toupee, when somebody enlightened me. It's not a toupee, they said. It's a combover. Oh dear. Herb had fallen victim to a brutal combover, the likes of which I have never seen. I walked in one day with my camera in tow to take some happy snaps of an event we were at, when he saw the camera and exclaimed, "You're taking pictures? Oh no, I have to fix my hair!" He raced out to the car and a few minutes later, I heard the unmistakable hiss of a hairspray can. I should also point out that Herb is 52 years old.

Now, aside from this particular quirk, Herb's a pretty nice guy. It's just that when age, wisdom, and maturity came knocking at his door to escort him into his middle-age years, Herb dug in his heels and had to be dragged by the wrists kicking and screaming.

It's fairly well-established that Western society idolizes youth and views aging as a regrettable aspect of life's journey. Everybody wants to be young and vital forever. The elderly are seen as a burden and the first appearance of a grey hair or disappearance thereof has people reaching for the hair dye and Rogaine.

I was reading a quote by historian Douglas Brinkley on the suicide of Hunter S. Thompson (yes, I know it's old news) about how he supposed Thompson had a good 67 years and "didn't want to suffer the indignities of old age". Yikes.

When did growing old become undignified? I suppose it's more dignified to shoot yourself while on the phone with your spouse and with your son and grandchild in the next room.

Unfortunately, I've witnessed this attitude creeping into churches. A church of which I was previously a member had a thriving combined youth/young adult group. Later it split (thankfully) into separate groups for the youth and young adults, but while I was there, I observed something Many of the adult leaders, including the youth pastor, dressed about 15 years younger than their actual age. Now, I'm a 30-something adult who's been blessed with 23-year old looks, but with the position I'm in with my career, I can't dress like I'm 23 anymore. Technically, I could get away with it, but it's harder to respect a supervisor that shows up to the squadron picnic in a rubberband miniskirt and a t-shirt emblazoned with some slogan like, "It's Better in a Bikini" or some other catch-phrase indicating the female wearer is as loose as a DD-cup bra on Kate Moss.

It's also hard to respect a 38-year old man wearing baggy-butt cargo shorts with a chain wallet and who's still shopping for his wardrobe at Hollister Co. and American Eagle Outfitters. I'm sure they thought they were being "relevant" and getting down to the teens' level. Except they're going about it all wrong. The youth in America's churches don't need youth leaders and pastors who dress like they're 17 and getting down to a teen's level doesn't mean seeing how many times you can work the word "booger" into your sermon. Kids need adults to act like adults, because ultimately a leader's (and parent's) job is to turn kids into productive, intelligent, godly, adults.

Another thing I noticed in church is not only the hyper-promotion of youth ministries, but the neglect of other demographics, particularly the elderly. What's being done for elderly widows and the infirm--people who need the support of the church the most? Churches have become so compartmentalized. There's a different ministry for many people, but it seems the only time they come together is Sunday morning.

The ironic thing about Brinkley's "indignities of old age" quote is that as people grow older, the younger they try to look and act, the more undignified they become. A wrinkled, 80-year old woman wearing a mumu and sitting in a rocking chair has more dignity than a 50-year old woman with a Sexy Grandma t-shirt or someone whose face looks like a terrified raccoon from all the plastic surgury they've had.