Wax On, Wax Off!

I'm still in South America being deployed, but I'm making the most of it. There's an outstanding spa downtown and while it's not Sundance or Tucson, it's pretty darn nice--and more importantly, they don't charge Sundance prices. Needless to say, they've had my patronage on a pretty regular basis.

So I went in today for a specific procedure. While I won't go into all the details, I will say it's the sort of thing a woman does if she wants to wear a swimsuit and not look like someone named Olga who just stepped off the last Aeroflot jet from Moscow.

Since I'm planning to go to the beach this week and wear the swimsuit, I subjected myself to this. Here's how it played out...

Me: Es mi tiempo primero (explaining that I've never done this before).
Waxer: Esta bien.
Me: EEEEEE! AAAAAH! Holy crap! Dios mio! Caramba! Oh god! Is this gonna be a Brazilian?!
Waxer: No mas!
Me: Thank God!

It only took 15 minutes, but it seemed like an eternity. The coworker who came with me got a good laugh. She was across the hall getting a facial. The Brazilian comment put her over the top. The lady giving her the facial almost lost it. Even if she didn't know English, the word "Brazilian" sounds pretty much the same in Spanish. I'm sure she took my meaning.

I was mortified at my wussy behaviour and I later asked the wax lady in my broken Spanish/Portuguese if otras pessoas screamed as much as I did. I felt reassured when she said todos. They all scream. That probably explains why waxing rooms at beauty salons in the US are always secluded from everything else.