Bye-Bye McDonald's Fried Pie

You know really fills me with a sense of loss and sadness? McDonald’s no longer sells fried pies. They still have pies, but they’re baked. I was thinking of this the other day when I got one of their lukewarm apple pies.

The old fried pies of the 80s were crispy, greasy, criminally unhealthy and if you weren’t careful when you took the first bite, you could end up with second-degree burns as cherry filling streamed from your lips to the bottom of your neck. However, upon completion of the pie, you were filled with a deep sense of satiety. It made me smile. It made me forget my problems. Those were some good, damn fried pies.

So now the pies are baked and I’m sure it all has to do with marketing a healthier product and not wanting to get sued by people who claim they got fat because McDonald’s didn’t warn them that eating five fried pies everyday and not exercising would make them blow up like a whale. Or maybe McDonald’s didn’t want to get sued when some crybaby exploded hot filling down their shirt. The pies now have holes in them as well, quite possibly to counteract that filling spewing problem. Then again, maybe they just wanted to stay ahead of the Trans Fat Government Nannies who would eventually make them get rid of the fried pies anyway.

Convenient stores remain a Mecca for unhealthy food. When I lived in San Angelo, Town and Country still sold fried pies.

I just think it’s sad that the fried pies have disappeared from the health-conscious mainstream and are now relegated to the fringes of society and gas stations out in the sticks. Oh well, off to Buffalo Wild Wings. At least something good still remains untouched by the fat cops.