Loogee Man

There's this guy in my water aerobics class. In Water Aerobics Land he would be an arch-villain and his name would be Loogee Man.

He never misses a class. Ever. And during every class this is what we hear...

Ungh, Ungh, UNGH AARGH! Whark, whark, whark...P-TOO! plop (sound of goober hitting water).

He starts off with lots of grunting and straining, which sounds like he's either suffering from severe constipation or he's passing an elephant. He works up to the loogee hawking, and finally makes his deposit in the pool. If he does it once, he does it 75,000 times. Woe to the unfortunate person who happens to drift Loogee Man's direction during deep-water aerobics. They spend roughly ten minutes vainly trying to swim away while holding water weights.

I've learned a very valuable lesson from all this--don't ever fall into a swimming pool with your mouth open.