Drink the Kool-Aid, Baby Parsons

When I was deployed, I found a souvenier that I just had to have. It was one of those cheap-o trinkets that can be found at fine souvenier establishments from Abu Dhabi to Damascus. It's a stuffed camel that when squeezed, plays a freaky sounding Arabic children's song and--get ready for this--has eyes that light up red. Yes ladies and gentlemen, a toy obviously marketed for children that would scare the hell out of pretty much every child in the western world. My cousin received a Tickle-Me Elmo for her birthday. She was terrified of it. Some caring, thoughtful relative searched high and low for an overpriced toy that was at a premium and Raven will have nothing to do with it. When I mentioned the camel to my aunt, she said Raven probably wouldn't go for a toy created for Rosemary's Baby.

My brother on the other hand was delighted with the prospect of such a freaky toy. He and my sister-in-law are expecting their first baby any second now. He didn't see the sense in wasting time when we could go ahead and warp the baby as early as possible. This is the same guy who went through a Nightmare on Elm Street phase in which he was fascinated by Freddy Kruger--during daylight hours. Eventually, all Freddy Kruger memorabilia mysteriously ended up buried deep in his bedroom closet, under the bathroom sink, or tucked away in some other odd, out-of-the-way place in the house where there was no chance that the Freddy Kruger doll, poster, or trading cards could ever climb their way out of the toybox or off the wall and shred his face to ribbons while he slept.

Of course I ended up buying him the demon camel. It's the kind of toy that in most of North America would be in a bedroom closet with a chair against the door to discourage any sort of aspirations the toy might have for nocturnal animation and possible escape. Maybe kids in the Middle East aren't worried about a camel with creepy light-up eyes. Then again, maybe it's all relative. They have children's shows that show giant rabbits getting their hands cut off for stealing and bumblebees that teach them how to be suicide bombers. With all that to worry about, maybe a stuffed camel isn't that scary after all.