Please, Please Mr. Postman--Go Away-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay

I don't know why, but whenever the mailman comes by and I'm at home I feel compelled to hide. My sofa is right in front of the picture window and it sits about 20 feet from the mailbox on the porch. If I happen to be I'm in my living room (which I usually am) and the postman starts coming up the front walk, I suddenly remember that I may need to go to the bathroom or I that I really could use a can of pop. He delivers my mail, he leaves, I come out of the bathroom and get my mail. Today I happened to be sitting in my truck. My local postal carrier came up the walk and I tried to look occupied.

I know how absurd this is, but it must be genetic because my mom told me that my dad does the same thing. He hears the mail truck outside and hides behind the open door until it drives off. It annoys the hell out of my mom.

Maybe it's something subconscious. Mail is a personal kind of thing. You're not allowed to open it if it's not yours and you don't want people reading your letters. The mail carrier sees your magazines, the type of stuff you shop for, who your relatives are, and how many credit cards you have. It's a little like running into your gynecologist in the checkout line at the market. Here's a person, a virtual stranger, who's seen you naked and looked directly at your private parts. Yet here you are at Super Target, making unofficial eye contact knowing that this person could be formulating opinions about you based on the items in your cart, critically eyeballing the three pints of Ben and Jerry's and jalapeno poppers.

Of course it could be just a ridiculous personal hang-up.

Rebuilding the Empire One Pup tent at a Time

In order to "preserve his legacy" (read, advance his personality cult and his autocratic agenda), Vladamir Putin and the Kremlin have a youth group of 18-23 year olds called Nashi (Ours). Bear in mind, these kids were barely out of diapers when the Berlin Wall fell. This is the first generation with no real memory of communism.

Putin's goal is to establish democracy in Russia, independent of any outside assistance. He insists on looking to Russia's own democratic traditions. This is a beautiful idea in theory, but there's just one minor fly in the ointment--Russia has had no democratic traditions for over 500 years.

Nashi just finished with a two-week summer camp at the end of July. Here are a few of the more interesting shots from Reuters.

The top picture is my favourite. It pretty much says it all, doesn't it? This kid looks like he weighs about a buck fifty. He labours under the stern countenance of Vladamir Putin, finger wagging in disapproval. Here we have the mock Siberian labour camp experience, perhaps for the complainers and other assorted squeaky wheels in this two-week wilderness venture.
"Keep moving, Dmitri. You have 70 more bags of turnips to take to the chow hall and you STILL have to make borscht for all 800 people at the camp. Maybe next time you'll think before you speak. This is NOT a Brave New World--it is a SOVEREIGN DEMOCRACY, dammit. And don't you forget it."

Didn't we all do this at camp? I went to band camp for two summers in a row in Malcolm, NE. I played the flute (and to answer what you're undoubtedly thinking...NO! I didn't). In between band practice, watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off for the 87th time, and getting together to play another rousing rendition of Louie, Louie, we managed to work in enough free time to grab our AK-47s, dress up like U.N. peacekeepers, and kick each other's heads in. Now those were the days.

It just dawned on me that it's been twenty years since I've been at band camp. Back then, it didn't occur to me to do naughty things with my flute. It was 1987 and we were thirteen years old. We were too busy emptying cans of hairspray trying to get our bangs to a consistency that would stand up to wind, rain, or a nuclear holocaust.

Here we have the People's Democratic Inflatable Raft Regatta. Note the ubiquitousness of the colour RED.

Attack of the Hollyweirdos

Sean Penn just went on a grip and grin tour of Venezuela where he was praised to the skies by El Presidente Chavez for being a man of such great courage and standing against the so-called imperialist Bush administration.

Yes, Mr. Penn is the epitome of bravery. His badmouthing of America and the Bush administration to adoring foreign audiences continues unabated. Penn and the other Hollyweirdos would rather be king for a day in a foreign dictatorship than a hardworking citizen in his own free country. He does publicly what Venezuelans will soon only be doing behind closed doors in hushed whispers. Here is just one article with the fulsome, scurvy truth.

http://www.foxnews.com/wires/2007Aug02/0,4670,PeopleSeanPenn,00.html

And just in case you were wondering how religious freedoms might fare under El Presidente's watchful eye, here is another one for you.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,290617,00.html?sPage=fnc.world/americas

Honduran cardinal Oscar Andres Rodriguez Maradiaga warned of increasing authoritarianism in Venezuela and was lambasted by Chavez as a "clown". Additionally, Chavez has called Roman Catholic critics in Venezuela "liars" and "perverts."

Don't you dare call him a dictator.


¡Mire A Mama! El emperador no tiene ninguna ropa.